A Fist Full of Brownies

Have you ever had the strong urge to do something naughty? I am talking about the urge to do an act so out of your comfort zone that at that very moment you did not care of the consequences. Well for me the answer is yes! And my impulse urge that I acted upon is called “a fist full of brownies.”


It was Monday evening and I had arrived home after a long day at work. And all I wanted to do was come home and decompress. So I started my evening ritual of fixing my dinner (which usually is compiled of the past few days of leftovers or takeout) and sitting down on my big comfy chair while watching a few shows on Hulu. Everything was going according to plan until something started to swirl inside of me.  It started out with a thought, then a sensation and ended with an urge.

The urge was to shove a fist full of brownies in my mouth!

I tried resisting this urge. I tried to ignore its cry. I drank water, chewed gum I even went online to my social network for support but the calling was too strong. I got up from my chair walked into the kitchen and opened my cabinet slowly; hoping that there was no brownie mix or any ingredients of that nature to be found. Once the cabinet door was completely opened I began to hear an angelic chorus burst out from the shelves, there was a bright light coming from one of the boxes as if it was the Holy Grail. And for me it was! It was a box of Ghirardelli brownie mix winking at me, seducing me with the promise of chewy gewy chocolate goodness. It played on my weakness, I answered its call, and resistance was futile. I preheated the oven to 350 and well…you know the rest.

After the blissfulness of that brief experience had ended I looked over at the pan of leftover brownies and all urges had vanished.  I wanted them out of my sight, the urge was gone, and I was done. I took the remaining brownies and threw them in the trash.

The next day I thought about me succumbing to my urge. I questioned myself why I would shove a fist full of brownies into my mouth? It was from that simple question I received a simply answer, it was for the experience.

The simple experience of slowly chewing a mouthful of fudge brownies (don’t judge), nothing more and nothing less. Yes, I could have tried harder to say no, I could have put up photos of girls in bikinis on the cabinet to remind myself that summer was fast approaching and I did not want to look like Orca on the beach. I could have done a lot of things but the reality is I made a choice to have that experience.

Sometimes I wonder if that is what life is all about. If life is made up of a series of choices in order for you to have the experiences that your soul needs to learn a lesson, to grow or to progress to the next level of your life cycle. That there is no right or wrong answers there is only choice. And the right or wrong aspect comes into play when you involve morals and rules. Please don’t get me wrong, with every choice that you make it comes in a package deal along with something I like to call “consequences.”

The topic of consequences is something I would like pick your brains about but I will save that for another time when we can discuss it around the old water cooler. For now I will bid you adieu and thank you for taking the time out to read my dribble!

🙂 Feel free to post questions, comments or if you remember a time where you felt the urge to have an experience and the choices that you made.